Swip Swap Groups (or the unrivaled masters of the sale of Masters of the Universe figures)
CLICK HERE for Part 1 of this series
CLICK HERE for Part 2 of this series
The day is finally over. You’re lying in bed and your aching body is grateful for the next several hours of respite and renewal. One by one, your muscles concede to the idea of release and you settle slightly deeper into a mattress built for this very instant, beckoning you towards certain slumber.
But your mind….. Your mind is a racing avenue of ideas and responsibilities and wishes and worries. It’s a superhighway of things you did and things to do. “I need to find the time to mow the lawn tomorrow afternoon.” “Those bills are due next week” “I really need to buy a miter saw if she wants me to build a nativity scene this year. Maybe I can find a good used one.” It is in this place of restless deliberation and query, with the mind operating autonomously alongside the worn out body, you find yourself picking up your phone and opening your local facebook swip swap group.
What exactly is a swip swap group? On the surface, it’s simply a platform for individuals to sell their unwanted belongings to another. See also: yard sale group, garage sale group, tag sale group, etc. Different names, same tactics and purpose. As the potential buyer you have the ability to search for whatever item you’re looking for or just browse the posts in hopes of stumbling across a “great deal” you have no business buying and will spend inordinate amounts of time trying to convince your spouse why this special edition Lord of the Rings Blu-ray is a must-have because it’s bound in actual dragon skin.
Amongst the normal everyday posts, there are some outliers which provide me the sole motivation to wade through the endless options in search of internet gold. These eccentricities could present themselves as a photo of something odd or absurd, or perhaps a litany of grammatical errors or spelling mistakes in the descriptions. It could be an item that you have a hard time imagining anyone selling in the first place. These aberrations are so contrasted with the ordinary, they stand out like a sore thumb. Rest assured, they will not be denied your attention. You simply won’t be able to help yourself. Your curiosity will get the better of you.
At first you’ll just stumble upon them randomly with no rhyme or reason. After you find several, you might start searching specific terms in order to curate the weird. For instance, I searched the term “liquid” and it turns out there’s a gentleman in Tampa with an actual hurricane for sale. For $50, that’s a steal. He closed his pitch with the request of “Serious Inquiries Only!!” I thought I’d throw that out there in case anyone was on the fence about owning a weather event.
In a seperate search for the term “new”, I saw where someone was selling a newborn baby simulation doll. You know, the ones they use to terrify teenage girls into abstinence. This particular one had a photo of said fake baby, clearly of the caucasian variety. The original poster took extra care to censor the fake genitals and to note “white boy” in the top left corner just to clarify for those of us that have trouble discerning from one skin shade to the next.
Next up, I searched the term “free.” This usually results in someone that wants something moved at their house or some other manual labor involved that they are not keen on doing themselves. “3 Free Palm trees, must use your own tools, dig them up, haul away, fill in holes and spread mulch. But they’re free….the trees are free ok?” This time however, I found something a little stranger.
The Title: Free Bed. Ok fair enough, someone wants to give away a bed.
The Accompanying Photo: what can only be described as a nuclear bomb detonation mushroom cloud photoshopped into the sign of the horns shape, you know….the metal hand you throw up at a rock show.
The description text: Family in desperate need of a bed. NO BUGS
Ok…you have my sympathy, but the photo…THE PHOTO. What were you doing? I can’t fathom an instance where that seems like the right choice. Also, why is this in the sellers’ posts and not in the wanted posts? I’m confused. Maybe it’s your first day on the internet, in which case… welcome?
Navigating the swip swap is a ride…..a questionable carnival ride held together with a few cotter pins and some #9 wire. You’ll be entertained, you might find what you’re looking for, but there’s always a chance the whole thing could go off the rails. Keep all hands and feet inside the vehicle and enjoy yourselves.
